You Decide What Kind Of Person To Be
March 9, 2009 by BloggerNewbie
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“Monday Motivation!”
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
That is a powerful statement and somewhat contentious. Is there any truth to this manifesto?
Yes and No. I love that answer.
Let’s deal with the declaration that – No, it is not entirely true.
It could be argued that the person you are destined to be is formed right from the start. Your parents determine what kind of person you will be. You are taught what to do, how to act, what is appropriate behavior, what is inappropriate behavior. You are even taught what to like, what to not like.
You are an infant, a toddler, a child – you believe what you are told. It is who you are.
Then you become an impressionable teenager. You start to make some choices of your own. Your friends know more than your parents, it’s time to follow them.
This is where – Yes, you become the person you decide to be.
“CHOICE”
–noun
an act or instance of choosing, selection;
the right, power, or opportunity to choose;
option carefully selected
Choice – therein lies the problem. That is where you need to take personal responsibility. You truly are the only one who can choose for you.
Yes, I understand there are pressures. I myself feel compelled to do or say certain things I may not really want to but when it gets right down to it…you and you alone are responsible for who you are and what you do.
It is your day by day actions that speak louder than words. Again, guilty of that one. I have voiced my opinion one way and acted another. It’s easier to say than do? Totally true.
So, at the end of the day it can be said that your parents tried to mold your character as they saw right but it doesn’t always work out that way. You can choose to live by and adopt their values or you can choose not to. I am not saying either way is right or wrong, I’m saying the choice is yours, you decide what kind of person to be.
What do you think? Do you see situations that might argue against this theory?
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Yes we are molded and shaped as younglings, but as free thinking creatures it is our right and responsibility to add the finishing touches and decide who we are and what we stand for.
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Hi Deb:
I think most people are continuously trying to find themselves or adding touches and figuring out where they want to go but for the most part there are core values that keep coming back.
People become who they are by their choices. Kind of like another quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson – You are what you think about all day long.
Dee,
Great post. I’m struggling right now with a 15 year old step-daughter who is out of control and blames her mom for “how she turned out”. Talks with her about the uselessness of blame and the importance of personal responsibility fall on deaf teenage ears.
George
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Dee
Very thought provoking!
A close friend of mine told me (when I was blaming my parents for how I turned out) that it’s ok to blame your parents for most things until you’re about 18. After that, you make your own choices in life.
I think the basic foundations are set during our childhood. But there’s no reason we can’t move and make new foundations once we become an adult. I’m not saying that’s easy, and the thriving world of therapy is testament to that. But it’s possible, and for many people, desirable.
The only things we can’t choose are to be born and to die. Everything in the middle we have some control over (sometimes very limited, sometimes complete).
Ian
What you’ve said is true — at some point you become your own person — not choosing is also a choice! If you’re lucky you have a basic set of guidelines from your parents and other role models. Many teenagers go thru what George’s step daughter is experiencing, but most pull out of the spin on their own. The only situations that might argue against your argument is when a child is in a totally dysfunctional situation, ‘damaged’ by destructive behaviour or choices. In that case, for some period of time, they are are not the person they decided to be. This is where professional (social or psychological) help is needed to show other options.
P.S. I love your weekly motivational chats…
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George:
Yeah, four daughters, been there done that. Somehow they get possessed or something when they enter the teenage years. Even though I have been there done that answers elude me! I can still remember asking “What were you thinking?” Never got an answer to that one either. Throwing the Step-parent into the mix isn’t much help either. Sometimes you can be an objective voice and sometimes you can be “sticking your nose” where it doesn’t belong. I am sure you and your SOP have great answers to her “excuses”! As every other parent tells you – It will pass (usually)
Ian:
I know too many people that had real crappy childhood circumstances and have managed to climb, scratch and claw their way out of despair. I tend to think it has to do with what is inside of you at least for the most part that makes you keep getting up no matter how many times you are kicked. I also agree there are situations that are more than challenging. I don’t even want to convey that any of it is easy by all means. Some people succeed by living a life they can be proud of.
SBA:
I like that “not choosing is also a choice”. Very true. You can’t live a life for someone else. I have often said to my daughters when they try the group blame that “you and you alone” are standing here for your behavior, no one else. A child only knows the life they are experiencing. Somehow they are able to see that the life they know is not the only life, good or bad.
I am a big promoter of personal responsibility. In fact, for myself, probably to the extreme. On some days, I somehow find a way to feel personally responsible for just about anything.
I believe, at the end of the day, (and again not easy by any means) you have to shake, kick or scrub off the crap you have and walk another way.