Do All Parent’s Want A “Do Over”?
December 13, 2008 by BloggerNewbie
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“Do All Parent’s Want A “Do Over”?
I wrote a post earlier this week about blogging and the early days. After six months of blogging one might ask, in hindsight – What would you do different?
I pointed out that six months isn’t very much hindsight to pick and choose all the woulda, shoulda, couldas from, however, I mentioned that –
“I have often contemplated the “what I would have done differently” in regards to raising my children. In retrospect, there is a significant amount of time to review to be able to discuss lessons learned. Once you see the outcome of your actions it is always easy to have 20/20 in hindsight.
My daughter, Courtney, read the post and commented that she thought she would be interested to read what exactly my hindsight is now that all three girls are grown. I thought I had always told her to be careful what she asked for. They just don’t listen, do they?
Valerie (aka Natural) from Thinking Out Loud Blog had a guest post from Cardio Girl describing a childhood story. She listened very carefully to her mom. The day of the fight is a hilarious story, you have to read it.
As most parents can attest, we probably all would like a few “do overs”. One of my many challenges as a parent was to teach my daughters about the value of money. I would like to share one story that actually still resonates today.
Lesson plan one
We used to go on vacation at least once a year when the girls were young. They would nickel and dime me to no end. Can I, can I, can I? I want, I want, I want! They drove me crazy. Finally, one year I decided to try testing their responsibility. We were going to be in Virginia for five days so I decided to give the girls each a budget. They were 8, 9 and 11 years old. I gave them each $100.00 to last them the 5 days we were going to be there. Sounds like a lot of money for a small child but they had to buy their lunch every day as well as any souvenir they wanted.
Eldest daughter
Darcy, Darcy, Darcy. I think my oldest daughter was broke by breakfast the next day. I asked her how she thought she was going to eat for the rest of the week. She didn’t know. I knew. It was either going to be me or she would bum from her sisters. If it was me, she was certainly not going to have burger world! For some reason, Darcy did not come to mommy for her lunch.
Middle child
Danielle took her cash and divided it in 5 different piles representing each day we were going to be in Virginia. She spent the entire twenty dollars each day. No more, no less. She didn’t come home with any money.
The baby
Courtney was very careful with her money. In fact, at lunch the very first day, Courtney asked the waitress if she could get a half order of cottage cheese. Yeah, that was real funny. We all laughed. I was a little embarrassed. The waitress looked at me like I wasn’t letting my kids eat but I really didn’t care. I think Courtney came home with about $80.00!
One more quick story
A few years later I decided to try another lesson. I took the girls school shopping when they were teenagers. Such a chore. I decided to give them each $100.00 to get an outfit. You can probably guess the outcome. Darcy bought A shirt. Danielle bought a very nice outfit for $96.48 and Courtney bought an outfit for $48.59!
First I insisted Darcy take her shirt back and get a real outfit. I decided the other two could keep the change. Danielle could not believe how unfair that was. Courtney was happy! Hey, lesson learned.
In hindsight
My plan was to teach them the value of money as well as how to budget. I think their spending habits are similar today! This research tells me that personality has as much to do with your spending habits as does how you are taught. I always made them earn whatever they received but in hindsight I would have done it a little differently. They always had to earn what they wanted. No free ride here. I would pay for whatever they wanted to buy and they would pay me back. So in effect, I taught them the “buy now, pay later” lesson. Yuk, bad lesson. From that, however, they did learn that there is no such thing as a free lunch, that they have to work for what they want and they do take care of what they have because it wasn’t handed to them.
What about you? Do you have any “do over” wishes? What are they?
Toodles – Blog Happy!
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“Happiness is not in the mere possession of money;
it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort….”
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Hi Dee … I so much enjoyed reading this and finding out a little about the ‘parent’ you as a change from the ‘blogger’ you. And what a great story – seems like our kids grow their own way whatever we parents do.
My do-over list. For my eldest (16) I’d just make sure I was around a lot more. For my youngest (5) I’d not have given in so much to her every demand – as she comes to expect everything she wants (from me at least). I fear for any man she has a relationship with in 20 years or so from now! Of course, I still have time for my ‘do-over’ as she’s still so young. Ian
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Ian,
It was certainly never boring raising three girls. I’m glad to hear a vote on the side of “kids doing what they want to do” regardless of their parents. As far as your 16 yr old, this is the crucial time for any kid, teenage life is so hard, the key is understanding that the end of the world to them is real. he he, the 5 yr old sounds like she knows what she’s doing!
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“personality has as much to do with your spending habits as does how you are taught.” I agree. Realizing it’s only part “nurture” and that a big part is “nature” actually takes a lot of the pressure off.
Vered,
I finally agree. It took me a long time to realize that the mom is not 100% responsible for every action of a child. When they did something I didn’t agree with I used to think I somehow failed. But no, they were not brought up that way, they have their own mind. Some people should think twice about that before they judge others. I have often heard others remark about the parents when a teen was in trouble. Again, they have their own mind and for whatever reason make wrong choices.
i probably would have given my kid a variety of food when she was younger….she is such a picky eater, but like vered said…mom nor dad is responsible for every action of a child….we have an influence, but cannot control everything