There Are No Words
September 4, 2008 by BloggerNewbie
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There Are No Words
This is the conclusion (for now) of our story we are sharing for Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. We struggled with telling our story. It is very painful. “I Don’t Know Where To Begin“, Many times we would ask ourselves – “Now What Do We Do’. We only had once choice – Hope Is Our Only Hope.
There are no words to describe the frustration and sadness of having to stand by and helplessly watch our little boy fight for his life. He was a trooper though. He very seldom complained.
Drake started his chemo and was able to come home between treatments. His immune system was so compromised that he was only home a few days at a time before he was back in the hospital with one infection or another. I didn’t even know half the time what exactly was making him sick. All I know is that he was sick. He didn’t really have too many days in a row where he felt well.
It was time for his first scan to see if the chemo was working. He had finished two rounds. I was hoping it would shrink at least 10%, I secretly prayed that it worked and that I would even take 5% – just please let it shrink. It has to work. I don’t think there was a plan b.
Words cannot describe the joy and relief! The chemo was working. In fact the tumor had been reduced by almost 30% and his lung was starting to slowly inflate. Thank you God! I think I’m going to be sick. (That didn’t make sense.)
We weren’t out of the woods yet and we still had a long way to go. This is definitely a rollercoaster ride. Another two rounds of chemo. Poor baby. In and out of the hospital, sick, lost his hair – cute little bald guy. Mommy’s nerves are wearing thin. This is so all consuming. But she’s doing such a great job managing it all. I am so proud of her. Everyone had to go back to work so the primary care fell on her shoulders and her husband’s shoulders. Her husband is awesome.
Drake has spent his first Christmas; first birthday; 
and first Easter in the hospital. I promise him this is not going to be his celebrations next year. My daughter knew that she would be returning to the hospital whenever a holiday was approaching. It was just their routine. The staff at the Children’s Hospital Boston made sure their celebrations were as “normal and traditional” as possible.
Time for Drake’s next scan. Please let the treatment still be working. Yeah again! The tumor is still shrinking. They think they can remove the remainder with surgery. Oh no – not surgery again. The last “little” surgery was devastating to him (and us.) It was time.
The surgery would be 6 to 8 hours long. The doctors promised they would take care of the baby like he was their own son. We had come so far, there was only one outcome. The chief surgeon came out 6 hours later and told us he’s confident he has removed the entire tumor. He had to remove part of his lung, part of his diaphragm and some of his muscle on the inner wall. The doctor said Drake was doing very well. He was stable through the whole surgery.
Drake came out of recovery without the respirator. What a strong dude. He had a few connections but he even woke up a few times. He had quite an incision but he came home within a week. Unbelievable. I was amazed.
He would need two more rounds of chemo. I can’t even imagine what that poison is doing to his healthy tissue. All I know is it saved his life. The first scan would be three months after his last round of chemo. The tumor can’t come back because they have no plan b.
His first scan was a success. Wahoo! Drake has been cancer free for three months! He is running all around causing all kinds of trouble. We can finally see his personality. He has a great sense of humor. He doesn’t stop yakking! He just had his first hair cut.
Our baby is a happy story; a story of hope and faith. There are too many that don’t have a happy story. That’s not right. These little guys are innocent children. We need to do something. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month. There is probably a cancer fundraiser in your area this month. Please participate. Every little bit helps. The actual day is September 13. Please say a prayer for the children, their families and their medical teams on that day.
There are so many ways to help and participate. Little ways to big ways. Everyone can do something.
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Wow….reading this makes everything still seem so surreal. I kept having to remind myself that this was our family’s story. It felt as if i was reading someone else’s story. You did a great job of telling everyone the “journey” in short story. Although, it was still long. You are a true blogger, you know how to keep everyone wondering what happened next. Even though i know the nightmarish story, i’m glad i read it when you were done with the whole thing. I still look back and think, “how did we all stick together and deal with everything that was going on without wanting to kill each other?” We knew we needed to be there for each other. I’ve always been able to talk to Danielle about everything, but during that time i had no idea what to say, where to even begin. I just kept thinking, is this really happening? Why is this happening? Then i had to remind myself, God can’t take our baby, he WON’T take our baby. “If God will bring you to it, He will bring you through it.”
Courtney,
I think a majority of the time we weren’t able to speak so we didn’t annoy each other too much. I would like to say it’s over but …it will be awhile. We will just breathe maybe in the next decade.